Been a while

Things have been very mixed recently, DW and myself were going to split up, then we sorted that problem out and were staying together.

We’ve sorted a lot of interpersonal problems, so now we can focus on other problems. We’ve decided to quit London. I’ve got a job in Bournemouth, where the bulk of my family is, so now we need to move with next to no cash.

My real issue is the fear of rejection from my family and asking for their help, it was actually their suggestion, sort of. I’m hoping that by having a job will sugar the pill.

So there is a lot to tackle at the moment.

We have some core difficulties to contend with, there are our stress disorders, basically every one in the family has some form or another of a stress disorder. We haven’t received any help from professionals because its so difficult to find and access and of course bloody expensive. Frankly, our shit started five years ago. I had a very stressful job in the city and things weren’t really that good at home, because I wasn’t dealing with the stress well, that had an impact on DW. DW fell in with the “wrong crowd” and they weren’t being helpful or supportive to her. Some who were drinkers were helping to fuel her drink problem. Some who were jealous of our income, were encouraging her to spend, her parents were filling both our heads up with toxic garbage. As I said, I was having a tough time at work and bottling it all up inside. Finally, I broke which put more pressure on DW.

I never really had help in recovering, no one was there to listen or support or advise me. DW was way too close to the problem and as my problems were helping to make her problems, we fell into a difficult cycle. Then we had the next fracture, DW got cancer. We packed up the previous set of shite, still not completely dealt with and moved directly into dealing with cancer. She recovered, but again we didn’t get the necessary help to help us come to terms with the shit that we’d gone through.

For a short while after the cancer we had some respite, not much but enough to see us over the humps and start afresh. Except, of course there were still underling problems and unresolved issues. So we made some choices that we though would be good for the long term except they turned out not to be because again, the unresolved stuff, like an oil slick was still on the surface, it had broken up a bit but it still hadn’t been cleaned up. Then there was another spill, that and the previous ones made things worse. We stumbled into a series of mistakes and actions. Often not consulting with one another and hiding and lying.

This time, although not as traumatic as the previous troubles, it had a much bigger wide ranging impact. That was two years ago now. Today, we still have the trauma and problems of our history and we are going to embark on another life changing event.

Moving city, moving house, moving job. This time I’m taking a massive salary cut, I’ll be earning now, less than when I met DW and this is to support a family of four. Fuck, what a challenge. I wish there was a book or a recipe sheet or something that could give us some guidance.



One thought on “Been a while

  1. Oh my dear there is no book to navigate through lifes shit…probably because no book would be a perfect fit for all. I guess that’s what life is about, going through the shit, hopefully learning from it, growing and making better choices. Life is hard, sometimes it gives us a breather, but, eventually we will have more shit to deal with.
    Either way…glad to see you back and with your family together. Change is good…scary, but good. Hopefully the change works for the best. I was told about a year ago when I thought my life had hit a low that I had no idea how or if I would be able to overcome, that it was possible. It was time to rebuild :). Sooo… I think that’s where you are now. Time to rebuild mister :).

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