Believe me, I do try to be supportive, I really do. But when your partner lacks self confidence and assuredness, sometimes it pushes you a bit to hard. It comes across as narcissism and anxiety all rolled into one big sticky mess
To understand neediness in a romantic context, you must first understand self-confidence. Wikipedia defines it as:
Self-assuredness in one’s personal judgment, ability, and power.
Self-confidence means you trust in yourself and your own worth. You value your own opinion over what others think of you. You internally approve of who you are and what you do.
Therefore, someone who is not self-confident requires other sources to validate themselves. So…
Neediness means you don’t trust in yourself and your own worth. You value the opinions of others over your own. You seek external approval of who you are and what you do.
By this definition, it’s not about the actions you take but why you take them. The intention behind your actions is what makes you needy. Therefore, any action can be needy or self-confident depending on the mindset of where it comes from.
I lifted this directly from nicknotas.com.
Today I had two conversations with my wife that basically went like this
Me me me me me
Me me me me me
Fuck it was difficult, it nearly pushed me over the edge into the abuser zone. I’ll admit I was micro abusive, angry and snarky and belittling. The reason was because I’m tired of the neediness, I’m pretty needy too, plus we’ve got two young kids who by definition of their ages are pretty damn needy.
Nine and six year olds are allowed to be needy, but when your the epicentre if competing needs (with your own nerds too), that’s when things snap. Thing is DW Does not see the neediness as interconnected, last week’s major neediness was separate and isolated from the previous weeks and today’s. Some how she can’t see the build up from all the micro needs and macro needs and it wears a body out.
I did snap at her, we had a no I’m not; yes you are; argument. The thing is I also have that external needy creature the new job. I wish at times I could be a rampant misogynist and biff off the needy womnan, the way MGTOWers do. But fuck it no she’s my life partner and so are my children so I have to give support its the nature of this 21st century beast and FFS its tough.
Anyway after nag, gripe, whine and spat, we all agreed we were pretty much equally needy and that it’s not good when neediness collides.