Today @work reviewing the development team.

Oh my! I had to review the company development team, one of the VC’s had sent their “consultant” to our development team to do a “technological review” and my boss wanted me to review the review.

I dunno where to start, so I told my boss the truth, I think he was given the wrong document as the mismatch between the two, the doc and reality was so far apart that it might as well have been for another company.

One of the major problems with the silicons, whether valley or roundabout is that they are full of arrogant show off pricks who like to bully. And this document was an exercise in showing off. The fact of the matter is that the dev team needs mentoring and guidance and as they have their very own internal cockstar who wanted to show off and try to pretend that his coding cock was so much bigger than mine.

I’ve been through this game so many times before that its easy to play, the thing with an show off bully is that they had better be an order of magnitude better than the person they are strutting around showing off.

I like to call them cockstars, they thing they are rock star programmers and that they have a bigger cock (knowledge) than anyone else, not its easy to be a big fish in a puddle. So bigboi started showing off and trying to be arrogant, boring. So I flipped of his questions with style and verve and then put him in his place.

So one of our VC’s has an arrogant bullshitter that I have to “manage” and my team has an arrogant bully I have to deal with.

Now remind me why I went back to work? Believe me looking after young kids is challenging but a lot less challenging than dealing with dickheads.

Oh god its tiresome. I’ve got a long haul to turn this lot around, I had worse teams, much worse teams but its going to be long.

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Neediness the lack of self assuredness and self confidence, sometimes its a but too hard to take

Believe me, I do try to be supportive, I really do. But when your partner lacks self confidence and assuredness, sometimes it pushes you a bit to hard. It comes across as narcissism and anxiety all rolled into one big sticky mess

To understand neediness in a romantic context, you must first understand self-confidence. Wikipedia defines it as:

Self-assuredness in one’s personal judgment, ability, and power.

Self-confidence means you trust in yourself and your own worth. You value your own opinion over what others think of you. You internally approve of who you are and what you do.

Therefore, someone who is not self-confident requires other sources to validate themselves. So…

Neediness means you don’t trust in yourself and your own worth. You value the opinions of others over your own. You seek external approval of who you are and what you do.

By this definition, it’s not about the actions you take but why you take them. The intention behind your actions is what makes you needy. Therefore, any action can be needy or self-confident depending on the mindset of where it comes from.

I lifted this directly from nicknotas.com.

Today I had two conversations with my wife that basically went like this

Me
Me me me me me
Me me?
Meeee!
Me me
Me me me me me
Me???

Fuck it was difficult, it nearly pushed me over the edge into the abuser zone. I’ll admit I was micro abusive, angry and snarky and belittling. The reason was because I’m tired of the neediness, I’m pretty needy too, plus we’ve got two young kids who by definition of their ages are pretty damn needy.

Nine and six year olds are allowed to be needy, but when your the epicentre if competing needs (with your own nerds too), that’s when things snap. Thing is DW Does not see the neediness as interconnected, last week’s major neediness was separate and isolated from the previous weeks and today’s. Some how she can’t see the build up from all the micro needs and macro needs and it wears a body out.

I did snap at her, we had a no I’m not; yes you are; argument. The thing is I also have that external needy creature the new job. I wish at times I could be a rampant misogynist and biff off the needy womnan, the way MGTOWers do. But fuck it no she’s my life partner and so are my children so I have to give support its the nature of this 21st century beast and FFS its tough.

Anyway after nag, gripe, whine and spat, we all agreed we were pretty much equally needy and that it’s not good when neediness collides.

Morning love letter

my spelling is atroscjouse and trying to key into a phone at 5:30 on the Android 5.1 stock keypad isn’t the easiest of things to do

image

Its one of those things you forget to do and recently I let slip writing love letters to my wife.

As I’m leaving early for work today I thought I would leave one for her.

Dearest Darling

This is a good morning letter to tell you, you are amazing and that I love you so much.

I look forward to shoeing you the depth of my love and to smother you with kisses

I will be spending a large amount of the day thinking of ways to show you that love.

You are amazing and beautiful.

Its one of those thongs you forget to do and recently I let slip my love letters to my wife.

This is the original

As I’m leaving early for work today I thought I would leave one for her.

Dearest Darling

This is a good morning letter to tell you, you are amazing and that I love you so much.

I look forward to shoeing you the depth of my love and to smother you with kisses

I will be spending a large amount of the day thinking of ways to show you that love.

You ate amazing and beautiful.

What Not To Say (For Guys Who Think They Get It)

30 years ago, when I was 19, I was lying in bed with a nurse I’d met that evening. By this point in my life I’d been very sexually active for six years. I don’t know how many sexual partners it was but it was a pretty significant amount for a 19 year old, off the top of my head I can remember a lot of names and face’s and I have a feeling that there are more that will, return to my memory.

The nurse, whose name was Selena E. (I’m not including her surname for her privacy) had a profound effect on me, so much so to this day I can remember her name and the events clearly. We met at a political rally for animal activism, at that time in my life I was deeply involved with fringe hard left politics. She was a vegan, left wing feminist. I don’t know why she took to me, maybe it was because I was a muscular, tall, intelligent, attractive bimbo of a bloke. Imagine Ryan Kwanten from True Blood but with a real thirst for knowledge (and brought up by highly educated grandparents who believed in the equality of humanity).

For some reason, she must have needed an itch scratched, because after the political rally we ended up in bed. At this point in my life I was still very naive about how the world worked, as I said I had two highly educated grandparents, my mother was making a career for herself in investment banking (she broke the glass ceiling 25 years ago and became extraordinarily wealthy).

When we’d finished fucking, I was having a self indulgent gripe about how hard done by I was and that I had no future.

She glanced at me, laughed and said something deeply profound, that has been with me from that moment onwards. This is what she said.

You’re a white male who lives in the west, you have entitlement and privilege, you gave nothing to worry about, life is given to you on s plate.

The whole point of my commentary is that I never have experienced everyday sexism, everyday racism, everyday ableism. Because I am a white man.

quiteirregular

I wonder if I could ask your help?  I’ve been writing about feminism for a few years now, and reading about it for several times as long, so I’m extremely grateful to all the people whose work I’ve read over that time – and for the comments below my pieces.  A lot of the stuff I write at the moment is directed towards men, whilst talking about feminist issues, so I was hoping people might help me put together a list.  Quite a particular list.  A list of What Not To Say.

What are the things which men and boys say which irritate the hell out of you?  Not just the Everyday Sexism stuff so brilliantly curated by Laura Bates and others, but a specific category within that.  What are the things which guys say when they sort of get it?  When they’ve become aware that there is a problem…

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One of those weird feeling days, I really could do with some rampant sex

I’m having one of those tricky moments, I’m really horny and I have a partner, so how do you respectfully ask your partner for a long, deep, hard, dirty no holds bared fuckfest, one where body fluids are consumed, where every hole is entered for both our pleasures? Trouble is when your greedy for sex, you want everything, I want to feel myself inside every part of her, I want her to feel every part stretched, I want to cum, I want her to cum. I want to send her into that brain and body fucked place that only hard unbridled fucking can bring. The good thing is no matter what we always have good sex, in eleven years I can’t at all remember a time when its been mediocre. I guess its good that two people who have had a lot of sexual partners each got it together – mainly because we both know what bad sex with the inexperienced or selfish is like.

I want to cum in her mouth, and then snog the spunk out if her mouth, I want to flood her pussy with cum then taste what we are like together. I want to spunk in her mouth and watch her savour the flavour as she swallows.

I want to enter that tight delicious pussy, feel her gripping me as I go deep until I push her cervix up and she can feel my cock pushing deep into her insides.

I want to flip her into as many positions as I can, bite,suck, pinch her nipple, squeeze and kiss her boob, have her on top and fuck her, then slide my cock into her are and fuck her, then slide my cock onto her pussy again and fuck her.

These are all things that we do together, when our horniness is in sync. God we love fucking, but tight now I’d settle for a simple sexy snogging and a nice good fuck.