“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”  ― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

Loneliness is odd, there are times when you need people around you, to hear their chatter and jostle, yet when you are with them there still is that feeling that no one is actually keeping you company. There are other times when you are with your significant other, you lie next to them, hold them and yet there is that comfort gap that makes you lonely. Often, there are times when you are alone, but you are so busy doing things that you forget your loneliness.

The worst is when you are alone and have nothing to keep you occupied, you sit, blankly introspecting no one to talk to, no one to share with, no comforting breath of another nearby who knows what is going on for you.

I have no friends, I stopped trusting people years ago, I have a wife (who is actually the nearest to being a best friend), I have no one, who at the drop of a hat will come to my aid and comfort me. This is the worst of loneliness, that introspective time between flurries of activity.

I wouldn’t say I’m depressed at this moment but it wouldn’t take much to push this feeling into depression. So here’s what to do  find an activity that will take your mind off things (mine is pornography and masturbation), something that is busy making yet trivial. I could put the washing away, read a good book, design an application or write this stream of consciousness.

I’m pretty much sex obsessed (hence the porn and tossing), it’s an easy distraction, much in the same way alcohol is an easy distraction for the alcoholic.

The only way I’ve found to get around this black hole and avoid the trap of negative behaviour in the past is doing something physical in a place that makes it difficult to break away from the activity, such as going to a gym, but I don’t have the money for membership or even a pair of trainers. So what will I end up doing, as I’m sitting at home, bored and lonely. Well! I think you can guess that.