Before I became a stay at home parent, looking after two primary age school children, I was way up there in the category of “Alpha Males”. I read this stuff and now it doesn’t make me proud to say, that is/was me. Throw in the additional stuff in the title and it’s a basic definition of me. Yet now I look at it and think, how flawed.
Years ago my grandfather gave me a phrase “cocksure” (it’s not about the penis – it’s about how a cockerel behaves). Am I cocksure? Yes and it’s not a good thing to be.
The violence is not good, last week for example a A pickup truck driver flicked me the V’s as I was getting our kids to cross a road, my nine year old daughter asked me what it meant. I said it was the sign for the eff word. She said that the guy in the pick-up who was parking had done it to us. I said to her “I’ll just go and have a word with him”. The look of abject terror on my daughters face, stopped me in my tracks. “Having a Word” is my euphemism for aggressive behaviour which can lead to violence. So I turned away.
Negative Jealousy, I’ve really had an epiphany about this one. This is the competitive, aggressive “this is mine” type of jealousy. The one where if any man talks to my woman he’ll be on the receiving end of my ire. Yesterday, my beautiful sexy wife taught me a different way. It was an eye opener.
We were talking about this mum that I occasionally travel to school with. The only thing she has in common with my wife is that “allegedly” she was born in the same year (she looks closer to my age than hers). DW started saying that she wanted to shag me, because I’m tall, bald, muscular (especially now I’ve lost more weight), exude sexiness (lols Dear Wife), have a huge thick cock and can still fuck the living daylights out of her (DW) even though I’m close to 50. Plus, I’m the cool, caring, supportive stay at home dad. Those are basically all of DW’s words. Amazing after all the shit I’ve put her through she’s still hot for me.
Anyway, what happened next was a real eye opener for me, we parked he conversation about this woman and moved onto discussing other stuff. DW used to do burlesque performances before breast cancer (yes, I’m a DV perpetrator on a cancer survivor – my grandmother would disown me if she was alive for that shame), so she started wiggling and doing the thumbs in the waist band thingy. She partially shimmied out of her coated jeggings. Flashed me a bit of her thong, pulling it down to the airgap between bits and thighs and whipping it up before shimmying of to the loo.
She called me upstairs and she was completely naked, doing that one arm up, one arm down taa-dah thing. Even after the mastectomy, which a lot of men who are not in LTR’s won’t understand, it’s difficult for DW to be naked, but I love seeing her naked, even though there are all the scars. It took a long time for her to be ok-ish naked and I know its difficult for her.
The difference between her approach to jealousy and mine is that she channels hers into reminding me why I love, desire her, rather than mine which is focused on aggression.
Amazing, I’ll I have to do from now on when I feel challenged/aggressive is to channel that into reminding her and especially myself as to why we are together.
So we had passionate sex three times last night, she was very horny, the downside of it, is that she’s a bit soar and tender as one of them was feet around the ears and me going all the way in, which does cause some cervix pounding and from what I can gather is a bit unpleasant.
So the only label I want moving forwards is that of decent husband and father. There is too much obsession with greeks(alpha, beta, sigma male) in the US, that phrase does not work in the UK though.