14 things that lower your libido

After being sexually active for 35 years and having done extensive online research by using Google (I didn’t use any of the other search engines) and often being too lazy to read further. I’ve come up with an list of things that significantly lower your libido or your desire to have real actual loving sex with another human being.

1. Reading sex blogs. They are mostly full of shit, plain and simple, wildly inaccurate or fantasy based on no experience.

2 Fifty shades of Gr… It’s so boring, wildly inaccurate, fantasy based on no experience and if your prepared to tolerate sex as bad as the writing, no wonder your libido is down.

3 Believing sex pundits and advice givers.

4. Believing what you see on TV and films

5 Reading any magazine that says x number of ways to improve your sex life

6 Reading any book that claims to improve your as abilities with the opposite sex.

7. Finally the usual stuff, porn, booze, drugs, illness, children, tiredness, work, exercise, age and life in general


So Yahoo doesn’t know that Eire ISN’T part of the uk


Hidden under the read more is this beauty of a faux-pas

Currently, the passport card is only due for launch in Ireland, and it’ll be available from July this year, when it will cost 35 euros, or about $40. It’s not clear whether this is a trial run for a wider launch through the rest of the UK, or out into Europe.

Cocksure, Not suitable for anywhere. Violence, negative jealousy, aggressive assertiveness and a hyper-libido, do you really think that makes a man an Alpha Male

Before I became a stay at home parent, looking after two primary age school children, I was way up there in the category of “Alpha Males”. I read this stuff and now it doesn’t make me proud to say, that is/was me. Throw in the additional stuff in the title and it’s a basic definition of me. Yet now I look at it and think, how flawed.

Years ago my grandfather gave me a phrase “cocksure” (it’s not about the penis – it’s about how a cockerel behaves). Am I cocksure? Yes and it’s not a good thing to be.

The violence is not good, last week for example a  A pickup truck driver flicked me the V’s as I was getting our kids to cross a road, my nine year old daughter asked me what it meant. I said it was the sign for the eff word. She said that the guy in the pick-up who was parking had done it to us. I said to her “I’ll just go and have a word with him”. The look of abject terror on my daughters face, stopped me in my tracks. “Having a Word” is my euphemism for aggressive behaviour which can lead to violence. So I turned away.

Negative Jealousy, I’ve really had an epiphany about this one. This is the competitive, aggressive “this is mine” type of jealousy. The one where if any man talks to my woman he’ll be on the receiving end of my ire. Yesterday, my beautiful sexy wife taught me a different way. It was an eye opener.

We were talking about this mum that I occasionally travel to school with. The only thing she has in common with my wife is that “allegedly” she was born in the same year (she looks closer to my age than hers). DW started saying that she wanted to shag me, because I’m tall, bald, muscular (especially now I’ve lost more weight), exude sexiness (lols Dear Wife), have a huge thick cock and can still fuck the living daylights out of her (DW) even though I’m close to 50. Plus, I’m the cool, caring, supportive stay at home dad. Those are basically all of DW’s words. Amazing after all the shit I’ve put her through she’s still hot for me.

Anyway, what happened next was a real eye opener for me, we parked he conversation about this woman and moved onto discussing other stuff. DW used to do burlesque performances before breast cancer (yes, I’m a DV perpetrator on a cancer survivor – my grandmother would disown me if she was alive for that shame), so she started wiggling and doing the thumbs in the waist band thingy. She partially shimmied out of her coated jeggings. Flashed me a bit of her thong, pulling it down to the airgap between bits and thighs and whipping it up before shimmying of to the loo.

She called me upstairs and she was completely naked, doing that one arm up, one arm down taa-dah thing. Even after the mastectomy, which a lot of men who are not in LTR’s won’t understand, it’s difficult for DW to be naked, but I love seeing her naked, even though there are all the scars. It took a long time for her to be ok-ish naked and I know its difficult for her.

The difference between her approach to jealousy and mine is that she channels hers into reminding me why I love, desire her, rather than mine which is focused on aggression.

Amazing, I’ll I have to do from now on when I feel challenged/aggressive is to channel that into reminding her and especially myself as to why we are together.

So we had passionate sex three times last night, she was very horny, the downside of it, is that she’s a bit soar and tender as one of them was feet around the ears and me going all the way in, which does cause some cervix pounding and from what I can gather is a bit unpleasant.

So the only label I want moving forwards is that of decent husband and father. There is too much obsession with greeks(alpha, beta, sigma male) in the US, that phrase does not work in the UK though.

If only you’d… the act of victim blaming, some thoughts.

I was at a meeting yesterday with our family’s social worker, we’ve had an exceptionally poor time with them. Five in 18 months and each never seems to write up case notes for the next one to read, so we start from scratch each time.


Anyway at yesterdays meeting I’m there by myself to discuss my role in the domestic violence. Yes, I am the perpetrator. The social worker only wanted to focus on my wife’s misuse of alcohol. He then started to say:

If only she would….

I put my hand up to stop him and said that my wife DW, was not there, therefore it would be my interpretation, my words and my take on her thoughts and feelings. I followed through with “I am a domestic violence perpetrator, a lot of what I have done is controlling, instead of being supportive, if I start to put words into her mouth, then I’m not moving forward and not giving her the respect and rights, that she needs as a human being”.

Later, I got to thinking about the phrase he started to use and what I used to do. Think about this,

If only you’d…

Stop drinking,
Come to bed,
Do as I asked,
Don’t spent money,
Don’t talk to him,
Be a better mum,
Be a better wife,
Do what I say.

And for women who have been on the receiving end of those phrases (and many more), you know what I would do next. Yes, I would hit. I apologise to you all, even though I know millions have suffered and I can’t can’t change that. Moreover to my beautiful, long suffering wife (and for my darling children) I am truly, deeply sorry and for your ultimate importance and inviolability (sanctity) and welbeing I am committed to the process of change.

My wife, children and supervisors have expressed that they’ve seen a change in me. My wife said last night that I’m becoming more like man she fell in love with (that is the best thing ever said to me). My children are happy that I’m not angry daddy anymore.

But this is a life long process and a life long commitment to them, I do know that this is all very emotive and I unreservedly say that it is not my intention to make anyone feel hurt who reads or make them feel uncomfortable.

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”  ― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

Loneliness is odd, there are times when you need people around you, to hear their chatter and jostle, yet when you are with them there still is that feeling that no one is actually keeping you company. There are other times when you are with your significant other, you lie next to them, hold them and yet there is that comfort gap that makes you lonely. Often, there are times when you are alone, but you are so busy doing things that you forget your loneliness.

The worst is when you are alone and have nothing to keep you occupied, you sit, blankly introspecting no one to talk to, no one to share with, no comforting breath of another nearby who knows what is going on for you.

I have no friends, I stopped trusting people years ago, I have a wife (who is actually the nearest to being a best friend), I have no one, who at the drop of a hat will come to my aid and comfort me. This is the worst of loneliness, that introspective time between flurries of activity.

I wouldn’t say I’m depressed at this moment but it wouldn’t take much to push this feeling into depression. So here’s what to do  find an activity that will take your mind off things (mine is pornography and masturbation), something that is busy making yet trivial. I could put the washing away, read a good book, design an application or write this stream of consciousness.

I’m pretty much sex obsessed (hence the porn and tossing), it’s an easy distraction, much in the same way alcohol is an easy distraction for the alcoholic.

The only way I’ve found to get around this black hole and avoid the trap of negative behaviour in the past is doing something physical in a place that makes it difficult to break away from the activity, such as going to a gym, but I don’t have the money for membership or even a pair of trainers. So what will I end up doing, as I’m sitting at home, bored and lonely. Well! I think you can guess that.


Use of English and intonation when trying to explain domething

There is something seriously wrong with my use of English and the sound of my voice. I must admit that I do have a rather extensive vocabulary, caused by most of my time between the ages of eleven and fourteen bunking school and sitting in libraries reading the Complete Oxford Dictionary.

When I got into sixth form I had to do a Use of English AS level as it was mandatory for all sixth formers to do it.

I was trying to explain to DW, my wife, my feelings about her alcohol problems. Inside my head I was saying;

I am bothered by your denial of your drinking problems and I would really like it of you didn’t get drunk and behave on such a way, with the children, that they become too hyperactive in the evening. Also if you are drinking on the way home please let me know in advance. Finally, I am very concerned about your overall attitude towards alcohol, such as taking a bottle of vodka to an AA meeting hidden in a coke bottle.

I wanted to say all that I’m a calm, sensible voice. Not aggressive, not tense, not nasty, but as I started, I realised that the words I was using was not the ones I’d rehearsed in my head (I’ll leave that to your imagination – as I can’t really remember what I said) and was a tirade, rather than saying how I felt.

I think that during the DVIP process I’m just going to have to keep schtum about these things until I learn a better way to talk. It’s a really difficult thing, one, I sound like a victim blamer. Two, there is the build up of frustration that turns into abuse and violence and finally, well there is no finally, but I must remember to talk to my supervisors on Tuesday about what I can do.

Life if bloody difficult.