Hmmm! Am I a misogynist? Maybe, not sure, probably, hope not. Are my initial thoughts here’s why:

The wikipedia definition of misogyny is as follows;

Misogyny (/mɪˈsɒɪni/) is the hatred or dislike of women or girls. Misogyny can be manifested in numerous ways, including;

sexual discrimination,
denigration of women, 
violence against women,
and sexual objectification of women.

Taking those four point at a very high level, I know I’m guilty of two. The other two I would hope that I don’t do but probably accidentally have done.

So sexual discrimination, without going too deep I have never discriminated against someone because of who they are. There is one example that springs to mind, I was (many many years ago) a team leader on an archeological excavation – my BSc is Archeological Science so I had to do field work. I was tasked with reducing the overburden of sedimentary hill wash over a Iron Age/Roman causeway boundary. There was about 2m of dirt to shift, back then I was uber fit and strong and could shovel shit non stop for days.

During this reduction phase, which the sooner we got rid of the dirt the sooner we’d be down to the interesting stuff. I’d already worn out two male students and now was assigned a young Turkish woman, who had done national service in the Turkish Parachute Division. I admit I was reticent at first given how the two previous blokes had shit out on me. So we went at it, she did an excellent job of keeping up the pace, but I could see that it was very physically demanding. At one point I had to stop her as she was badly blistering her hands. She got shirty with me at that point and I had to explain that if the blisters went septic then she wouldn’t be able to excavate for a number of days and as the same had happened to me when I was 16, I knew exactly how bloody painful it was.

Denigration of women; Nope never applied that, I can’t really think of an example, to individuals yes, to groups no. Actually, I do apply stereotyping but only when a member of a group behaves in a stereotypical way.

The next two I’m very guilty of. Violence towards women, as a group no, to my wife yes – in mitigation it’s been due to frustration about difficult circumstances. Just as its wrong to smack children (another thing I have done), it’s wrong to hit my partner. In DVIP classes one point that was made to me was would you hit a co-worker whp frustrated and angered you. Sadly, yes I have done that too (only to men I might add). The violence isn’t premeditated, it’s not something I think I should do, it just happens in the heat of the moment. An argument where I’m not being heard (people not listening to me is my major frustration) and lashing out. I was brought up in an exceptionally violent home, both mother and stepfather were vicious and brutal – my mother more so than anyone and my school was a very violent one too. I wish I had that skill to be placid, detached and chill about things but I don’t.

Finally, sexual objectification. I’m heterosexual and I love having sex. Somehow I’m obsessive about it, I enjoy watching sex (my preference is lesbian porn), I love looking at women’s bodies, but sex is a two way thing I can only enjoy it if the other person is enjoying it. I’ve never coerced someone into sex, never forced them and I do feel wrong for constantly wanting it. The only times I feel that I’m not wanting it is when I’ve over wanked myself and Mr. Sausage has gone all floppy (somebody once said that to me).

So all in all, yes it does look like I’m a misogynist and that’s quite sad.


5 thoughts on “Hmmm! Am I a misogynist? Maybe, not sure, probably, hope not. Are my initial thoughts here’s why:

  1. Hmmm…..well I wouldn’t necessarily consider you being a misogynist. Just because at times you have acted on certain traits that at the moment make you fall under that category. I think you explained well, why at the moment you have made those decisions. I think to consider yourself a misogynist you have to truly feel a hatred towards women in general or feel that you are somehow superior to them. A bully of some sort. Personally, I truly doubt that is what you are.

    • Thanks, I’m trying to be a better man and a better dad. Maybe I’ve looked at my knot of anger and revised it as misogynism. I don’t do superiority, entitlement or hatred towards women, but I do worry that the anger becomes bullying. Thanks again for your thoughts

      • Eh, it could be bullying, but it’s a spontaneous reaction, not premeditated. Anger, like all emotions can be controlled.You have a choice in those reactions, and at least trying to be better is a step and even more, a complete sign you are no where near a mysogynist. NP..I love to share my thoughts 🙂

      • I know i have a choice, it’s just that I get too hot and erupt, I end up shouting at DW & the DD’s exactly the way my Sgt did when I was in the army. Today for example I made my 8 yo daughter stand to attention hand at sides while I lectured her about road safety.

        Most of the time my emotions are… stoic I keep them fully locked down, until I explode… tsch! not good.

        Anyway on a lighter note… tonight is Florida night in our household… we watch The Glades and Burn Notice. Given your state is the size of the UK, its a bit like me comparing Tallahassee.
        to Miami. Which is like comparing Inverness to Bournemouth

      • Recognizing your actions and feeling are all a choice is a good thing. I agree, stoic is not good because it will lead to explosion….Florida night! Ah, I like that :)! I never thought of the UK being the size of Florida…interesting fun fact.

Comments are closed.