The wikipedia definition of misogyny is as follows;
Taking those four point at a very high level, I know I’m guilty of two. The other two I would hope that I don’t do but probably accidentally have done.
So sexual discrimination, without going too deep I have never discriminated against someone because of who they are. There is one example that springs to mind, I was (many many years ago) a team leader on an archeological excavation – my BSc is Archeological Science so I had to do field work. I was tasked with reducing the overburden of sedimentary hill wash over a Iron Age/Roman causeway boundary. There was about 2m of dirt to shift, back then I was uber fit and strong and could shovel shit non stop for days.
During this reduction phase, which the sooner we got rid of the dirt the sooner we’d be down to the interesting stuff. I’d already worn out two male students and now was assigned a young Turkish woman, who had done national service in the Turkish Parachute Division. I admit I was reticent at first given how the two previous blokes had shit out on me. So we went at it, she did an excellent job of keeping up the pace, but I could see that it was very physically demanding. At one point I had to stop her as she was badly blistering her hands. She got shirty with me at that point and I had to explain that if the blisters went septic then she wouldn’t be able to excavate for a number of days and as the same had happened to me when I was 16, I knew exactly how bloody painful it was.
Denigration of women; Nope never applied that, I can’t really think of an example, to individuals yes, to groups no. Actually, I do apply stereotyping but only when a member of a group behaves in a stereotypical way.
The next two I’m very guilty of. Violence towards women, as a group no, to my wife yes – in mitigation it’s been due to frustration about difficult circumstances. Just as its wrong to smack children (another thing I have done), it’s wrong to hit my partner. In DVIP classes one point that was made to me was would you hit a co-worker whp frustrated and angered you. Sadly, yes I have done that too (only to men I might add). The violence isn’t premeditated, it’s not something I think I should do, it just happens in the heat of the moment. An argument where I’m not being heard (people not listening to me is my major frustration) and lashing out. I was brought up in an exceptionally violent home, both mother and stepfather were vicious and brutal – my mother more so than anyone and my school was a very violent one too. I wish I had that skill to be placid, detached and chill about things but I don’t.
Finally, sexual objectification. I’m heterosexual and I love having sex. Somehow I’m obsessive about it, I enjoy watching sex (my preference is lesbian porn), I love looking at women’s bodies, but sex is a two way thing I can only enjoy it if the other person is enjoying it. I’ve never coerced someone into sex, never forced them and I do feel wrong for constantly wanting it. The only times I feel that I’m not wanting it is when I’ve over wanked myself and Mr. Sausage has gone all floppy (somebody once said that to me).
So all in all, yes it does look like I’m a misogynist and that’s quite sad.