Hmmm! Am I a misogynist? Maybe, not sure, probably, hope not. Are my initial thoughts here’s why:

The wikipedia definition of misogyny is as follows;

Misogyny (/mɪˈsɒɪni/) is the hatred or dislike of women or girls. Misogyny can be manifested in numerous ways, including;

sexual discrimination,
denigration of women, 
violence against women,
and sexual objectification of women.

Taking those four point at a very high level, I know I’m guilty of two. The other two I would hope that I don’t do but probably accidentally have done.

So sexual discrimination, without going too deep I have never discriminated against someone because of who they are. There is one example that springs to mind, I was (many many years ago) a team leader on an archeological excavation – my BSc is Archeological Science so I had to do field work. I was tasked with reducing the overburden of sedimentary hill wash over a Iron Age/Roman causeway boundary. There was about 2m of dirt to shift, back then I was uber fit and strong and could shovel shit non stop for days.

During this reduction phase, which the sooner we got rid of the dirt the sooner we’d be down to the interesting stuff. I’d already worn out two male students and now was assigned a young Turkish woman, who had done national service in the Turkish Parachute Division. I admit I was reticent at first given how the two previous blokes had shit out on me. So we went at it, she did an excellent job of keeping up the pace, but I could see that it was very physically demanding. At one point I had to stop her as she was badly blistering her hands. She got shirty with me at that point and I had to explain that if the blisters went septic then she wouldn’t be able to excavate for a number of days and as the same had happened to me when I was 16, I knew exactly how bloody painful it was.

Denigration of women; Nope never applied that, I can’t really think of an example, to individuals yes, to groups no. Actually, I do apply stereotyping but only when a member of a group behaves in a stereotypical way.

The next two I’m very guilty of. Violence towards women, as a group no, to my wife yes – in mitigation it’s been due to frustration about difficult circumstances. Just as its wrong to smack children (another thing I have done), it’s wrong to hit my partner. In DVIP classes one point that was made to me was would you hit a co-worker whp frustrated and angered you. Sadly, yes I have done that too (only to men I might add). The violence isn’t premeditated, it’s not something I think I should do, it just happens in the heat of the moment. An argument where I’m not being heard (people not listening to me is my major frustration) and lashing out. I was brought up in an exceptionally violent home, both mother and stepfather were vicious and brutal – my mother more so than anyone and my school was a very violent one too. I wish I had that skill to be placid, detached and chill about things but I don’t.

Finally, sexual objectification. I’m heterosexual and I love having sex. Somehow I’m obsessive about it, I enjoy watching sex (my preference is lesbian porn), I love looking at women’s bodies, but sex is a two way thing I can only enjoy it if the other person is enjoying it. I’ve never coerced someone into sex, never forced them and I do feel wrong for constantly wanting it. The only times I feel that I’m not wanting it is when I’ve over wanked myself and Mr. Sausage has gone all floppy (somebody once said that to me).

So all in all, yes it does look like I’m a misogynist and that’s quite sad.

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Four months for the Royal London Dental hospital to respond.

Our five year old daughter needs some dental work. The poor little thing was born with very little enamel on her teeth, so she has to have some pulled. Beginning of June our dentist gave me the paperwork for the Royal London. So I filled it in immediately and schlepped down to the hospital and handed it in.

A month later I rang, no they hadn’t received it… eh! well they might have received it but they haven’t processed it.

So Four months later we got the appointment for the extraction. That is rather poor service on their part. Also today there was an answer phone message regarding my older daughters chemo therapy, the message was so garbled and unintelligible as to be worthless. I’ll deal with in a moment but its damn difficult to deal with.

He’s the nicest gay man I’ve met

This was a phrase said to my wife today, it made me laugh in a wry way (try saying that five times fast). She was regaling her first day at her new job and her new boss used the above sentence. It makes me amused hat someone could say that. Lets explore the sentence.

So how many men has this person met who have been nice yet do not make their sexuality known. It also implies that every other gay man he’s met hasn’t been nice. Does the qualification of sexual preference even matter? No, if I was to say “oh! she’s a lovely yellow scarfie diesel dyke” the whole world would go. What the fucking fuck!!!. And deservedly so.

Should sexuality gender, colour and religion be used in the qualification of someone’s behavioural qualities and actions?  No, it shouldn’t.

If I was to say my partner is an awesomely hot  fuck and is outstanding in bed, does it matter that I nominate gender. Ok! you can make assumptions and you are allowed to. I personally believe that

gender

preference is fluid. My partner may change their sexual orientation as they continue to grow and discover themselves. I may change too. What does matter in these circumstances is that we are open and honest and non-judgemental.

So chummy bog today made a massive judgement call and in the process gave away his biases. Which for my wife is a good thing, it gives her the opportunity to read him and manage his behaviours in a way that will suit herself.

In the space of 7 hours this man has given enough away for her to understand the darker more dangerous aspects of his personality.

Clearing debt, what it was and what it is now.

We had a stroke of luck, our energy provider wiped our bill. We received a bill from them a month ago which nearly caused heart attacks. Nearly four thousand. We hadn’t received a bill in three years even though I kept on chasing for it. We had our metres read and I asked, I rang the call centre and asked, even sending a letter.

When the bill did arrive it wasn’t in our names, it turned out that a rather nasty au-pair we had three years ago had changed the name on the bill as it was in her name. So our energy provider had made a mistake by not confirming who was the householder etc. Next issue was that we hadn’t received a bill in over twelve months . If your energy provider hasn’t billed you for greater than twelve months then OfGen requires that they write off the amount prior to twelve months. The final aspect was that they had been notified by us and Macmillan Cancer (who advocate on behalf of cancer victims) that we would be having payment difficulties during treatment and remission. We employed the au-pair as help post my wife’s cancer treatment for some family help when she did the name change.

So all in all it was a catalogue of mistakes and errors on our energy providers part, so in a gesture of goodwill and faith, they wrote down the whole amount. They have booked to read the metres next week which will be the start of the new billing period. All I can say is WOW.

So as it stands, we have 360 in one debt to pay off which will be cleared November. Two mobile phone bills of roughly 250 each and my wife’s pay day loan which is being reduced weekly at £50 and currently stands at 1000. Finally an outstanding broadband bill of 120.

There is the other usual stuff such as council tax around 700, tv licence 150ish and other bits and bobs that amount to a couple of hundred, but frankly now we are into the home stretch of being debt free.

Phew.

My wife’s former employer is trying to stiff her over her last weeks pay, which is a typical bastard thing of zero day contract employers. But she stared a new contract today earning £100 more so fingers crossed we’ll be able to sort things, once this weeks over and the rent paid. I’m managing (just) to push rent money forwards but I need to build up a bigger surplus rather than just a weeks worth. It will be difficult but I think I can do it, it just needs us both not to have money resentment. DW resenting earning it and not having it to spend, me resenting having nothing of my own. A tricky situation to be in, plus two young kids who think Disney toys grow on trees.

We’ve been through eighteen months of financial hell, it looks like we’re about to leave the tunnel and enter daylight. My negative souls says watch out for tunnel collapses and we are quite fragile at this moment. The last weeks wage bastardary of DW former employer nearly gave us a money shock wipe out, but I’d planned for such an outcome anyway.

Sex frequency of a ten year married couple with young family

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This is the a screen shot of Lift a habit tracking app. The green spots are the active sex days, the orange spots are our recent activity.

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Here is a more histogram like take. The above doesn’t exclusively track penetrative sex, we consider cunilingus, felatio and entry to be all part of our sex stats. Masturbation and touching one another in a sexual way   involving genital touching isn’t included. As you can see there is a mid month lack of activity, that correlates to DW’s period.

The histogram is interesting in that it shows we are sexually active approximately 50% of the month. The weekly shows the frequency is greater than three times, mostly four times. I think that this is quite good for a ten year married couple with two primary schoolers who have undergone a lot of stressors.

We had a pretty good sex day yesterday, mid afternoon I went down on DW, I licked and sucked her clit and pussy  for half an hour, soft and slow and exploratory to start with, licking, kissing and sucking every part of her bits. Getting my tongue into every fold of her lips, running it up the edge of one lip before gently sucking her clit and then down the other lip. Nuzzling my nose right into her hole and using a bit of pressure to run it up to her clit. Then it was into the orgasm routine. After all of the former stuff DW is sufficiently relaxed and has a sexy (dirty) fantasy going so that we settle into the pattern that gets her to cum. This consists of me circling her clit clockwise soft and slow building to firm and faster as she’s on the cusp of cumming. I don’t know how long her actual cum lasted once it started, but it felt that she was quivering and shaking for a significant number of seconds.

After it had happened I settled back to admire her pussy, there was a little river of white pussy juice trickling all the way down her bum crack onto the sofa. It’s quite fascinating watching the change in her pussy from neat small light pink lips to darker pink engorged lips at the end, with her hole open and relaxed. This would have been the perfect time to enter her as she was aroused and open enough so that the width of my cock wouldn’t be too uncomfortable to her. Sadly, it was not to be as I had to go and pick up the children.

Later, in the evening once the children were in bed and settled, she blew me, one of those long slow get me really hard blowjobs. As I’m nearly fifty my erections aren’t what they used to be. Up until 45 I used to get really rock hard, now I have a varicose vein in my left hand side spermatic cord, it affects how big and hard I get now. DW went to town taking my mind of the varicose vein pain and making me really swell. She likes to spend a lot of time flicking the tip of her tongue on the underside of my glans until I’m really swollen and is big hard and shiny. Once its like that she then concentrates on using her mouth and hands in unison. This time she chose only to use one hand on the base of my shaft, sometimes she’ll use both so it looks like she’s playing one potato, two potato with my cock, while she has the glans in her mouth. Is I said it was just one hand so I could watch my cock disappearing into her mouth. This is how she likes to make me cum so she gets a mouthful. It’s bloody sexy and I’d quite like to video it to watch at a later date… but I won’t for privacy issues and the fact she’s not happy about that. So she made me cum, I filled her mouth with my spunk and we then snowballed. It’s nice doing that as we get to share the taste of an orgasm and she’s not a spitter or a swallower.

It was a lovely cum for me. I was nicely relaxed, I’d emptied a huge load and was feeling that sleepy delicious feeling of the post cum bliss.

After watching some TV and chatting we went to bed. I have to admit that I’m a bit crap once we get into bed, every night we have a sexy cuddle before going to sleep, just being next to DW in bed gets me hard and she’s not really into being prodded in the lower back with my stiffy. Also I love touching her body, caressing her boob, running my fingers down to her tight neat bits (several pornstars have paid huge amounts for labioplasty to get their pussys looking just like DW’s). She had a bit of a complain about my juvenile behaviour and we settled into boob kissing. So a little cupping, gentle squeezing and kissing, she pulled me on top of her, lifted and opened her legs, I tore her Brazilian knickers off her and plunged in. Well not quite, she was aroused and wet but it still needed a bit of jiggling and prodding to enter her. She ow-ied a bit about the width, but this was a bit more spontaneous than we planned so no foreplay to get her ready.

I was a bit mean at first going for a bit of hard rough sex. Our interpretation of rough, is me going all the way in. Past her cervix and going as deep as I can nearly to her belly. Rough sex for us isn’t about choking, slapping or hair pulling. I feel concerned that young women now are taking abusive porn as a descriptor for a vigorous rough fuck and not experiencing a good deep hard fucking, if they want to know what pain in sex is like, DW will happily tell you about bruised cervix and internal belly bruising.

So I pulled back until my glans was on her internal cum spot and a bit of thrusting and cock wiggling later she exploded into a high pitched squeaky cum noise, finished with a silent scream as the orgasm aftershocks hit her and her body blushed scarlet. I’m not sorry, I’m fucking proud that I can fuck a woman eleven years younger than me into a monster orgasm. I just wish that I was younger fitter so I could perform like this more often. I can only fuck like this now a few times a week, when we got it together is was several times a night. A hard vigorous fuck reminds me of doing interval sprint training on steep gradients, my heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest, DW thought I was going to kark it.

It was a good fuck, a very good fuck, but it makes me wonder if that was one of the issues around my lack of LTR’s before DW (I haven’t done any fitness training in eight years). As an example, there was this one woman I was dating and we spent a long weekend at the Royal Hotel Bournemouth. I was at the peak of my training schedule at the end of a weekend in the bedroom, she was complaining about everything hurting and her legs aching too much. I guess this is why DW connected, all of her prior partners couldn’t satisfy her and in hindsight I’m guessing that my sexo was a little too much for the ones I wanted to be with, so in retrospect DW and I were a perfect connection.

As always after a night of vigorous fucking I’m becoming conscious of my age and lack of fitness.

I don’t get Hamas’ military strategy

If I had ordered the building of cross border attack tunnels, where there was an attempt to put them to use (see here Wikipedia). I certainly wouldn’t start firing missiles early to get the IDF wound up. Now Shin Bet was aware of these tunnels, so Hamas gave the IDF good reason to deal with the problem.

Hmmm! Hamas seemed to start the ball rolling a bit early.

Unashamedly taken verbatim from captainawkward.com, it’s so good it needs to be shared as is

I’ve taken the below chunk of advice directly from captain awkward. It’s the best piece of how to manage time and work/life balance. It’s sufficiently detailed and nicely generic enough for any one to be able to try to put it into practice. It’s part of a much bigger article about someone’s personal circumstances so I’m including the link so as to act as a connection to the original source

Here is one tiny tool that might help. It’s something I use for time management when I get stressed or need to figure out a new routine. Print out a couple of copies (or make a version that roughly reflects your waking/active hours using the software or calendar app of your choice) and fill it in. You can plan in weekly increments or two-week increments which sometimes works better, since not everything happens every single week. To use the tool:

First, add obligations: classes, work, places you have to be. Include the time you spend commuting and studying/preparing.

Second, add self-care things: Therapy appointments. Workouts. Grocery shopping, food prep, laundry, bill paying, chores. Standing social engagements. My friend B. has something she calls “Wife Night” where she acts like her own (traditional meaning, used ironically) wife – sewing on lost buttons, paying bills, doing the laundry, changing the sheets, all of the routine maintenance stuff of her life. This is the stuff that you have to do to maintain your quality of life.

Third, add pleasurable/fun things: Your favorite TV show, time with friends, time to read for pleasure, time to go to the movies or a concert, time to play your favorite video game. You can put this stuff second if you want to, it too is important, and it too is self-care.

Fourth, add future-oriented stuff: You’re a university senior, so set aside one hour/week to work on/think about future stuff. Looking at job listings for things you might want to do. Working on your resume. Picking up an extra skill. Journaling about what you want to be when you grow up. Attending campus events and networking sessions.

Fifth, mark out a block of time and call it “Family.” That block of time, every week, or every other week, or once a month (whatever you can do sustainably) is when you engage with your mom family.

Not everyone’s priorities would or should happen in this order. I hope this is obvious to people reading.