Neither of us could see it coming, planning for the worst case, it’s problematic planning for one, but we’ve had just about every one a family could have, bar a death of a parent or child.
No one wants to plan for that, but given our timeline of disasters, it now looks like that is what we will face next.
Nervous break down & suicide attempt.
Cancer (surgery and chemotherapy)
Financial problems (again)
Second Nervous breakdown.
Domestic violence & arrests
Most people never have to cope with one of those, let alone every few years. DW’s dad pissed us off because he had a precancerous cell structure in his arsehole, which he made a big song and dance about, yet couldn’t support his own daughter through chemo.
He expected her to wipe his arse after minor day surgery, but between diagnosis to recovery we never saw him during his daughters cancer treatment.
So back to disaster planning. No one has volunteered help, our Rabbi has been more interested in synagog membership fees than pastoral care (don’t go to South Woodford Liberal Shul, it not nice). So what to do?
I think at this point I need to explain in some depth where it went wrong for us with Woodford Liberal.
We joined a week after my wife’s final chemo treatment had finished. Now my wife was desperately ill, it would have been nice if the Rabbi had paid a little more attention to his new joiners, offering them some spiritual guidance and support. Later on when some of my wife’s financial indiscretions came to light, I asked for some pastoral care and guidance, none was forthcoming, actually he ignored it.
Later again, we needed some pastoral care, nope nothing, and then we started getting pay pay pay. He would talk to us about membership fees, but took no interest in us as a family. So should a man of god be like that, I think not, what goes around comes around, if he took a real interest in members of his flock (of which there is only a couple of hundred), then things may have been different. I can understand that if you don’t pay fees to a wealth fund, you won’t get any return, but I disagree whole heatedly with religion wanting money over spiritual guidance and pastoral care.
This is the nasty bitter bit, if our Rabbi spent more time with his congregation, rather than messing about with Catholics (greatest killer of Jews going) or Muslims (not known for their friendliness to Jews) in a vain attempt at upping his profile. The other aspect is that he also only wanted to spend time with the dead, he’d be round to see you if you karked it, I cynically suspect it was to ensure that there was a bequest or donation coming his way. Someone pointed out to me that he appeared to pander to a rather shallow stereotype. Well if I’m wrong, I apologise, yet I feel there is little evidence to the contrary.
So it looks like me and DW are on our own (except for the kids), so some how we have to make some fundamental changes. How do we do that?
Well as negative as it may sound I think we really need to plan now for the worst of the worst. What happens if I or she dies? What happens if one of the kids dies? That may seem cold, but who ever was the survivor would have a lot on their plate.
So how do we go about (to use my wife’s favourite phrase) getting better. Six years ago, you would have thought it couldn’t get worst than bankruptcy, but it did three years later with her cancer. Now three years on its homelessness. So in three years time that means death. There appears to be a pattern. Once we recover from the homelessness, then in three years someone’s going to die.
I guess first is building up a cash buffer, maybe our own personal gold reserve? How do we do that when we rob Peter to pay Paul. Difficult eh! It’s tough cos we both need to do it.
I’ve been thinking about the film Pursuit of Happyness, Chris Gardner hit rock bottom, with a kid and pull himself out.
Six weeks ago I started a plan for my own business, I’ve got the website up and running, but I,m short in adding content to it. I do most of my lightweight content work like this, on my tablet or on my phone, posts like this are easy on a phone because well they aren’t that meaningful. Whereas trying to write a complex technical post showcasing my technical skills, with referencing and cutting and pasting bits and bobs isn’t that easy one fingered. The second aspect is is that I’ve made the print flyers just haven’t placed the order, I’ve written 40 intro letters to prospective clients. I just need to bring it all together.
Somehow, I’ve got to turn this all around for my wife and children’s sake, frankly I don’t think its procrastination more laziness and cowardice. So its time to stop being a coward.
But things are going to be super challenging, the last nine months I’ve lost interest in programming, haven’t written any code in six months, its a real pisser. When we loose the house I’ll loose uber PC anyway so won’t have my ultra sexy (sexy as in souped up muscle car sexy) workstation, with all my virtualization kit.
I constantly feel like a fraud or shallow or just plain empty. I need to up my game (and not in a PUA stylee), find a way to actualise things. I have to make, force bully myself into changing for the greater good and security of my wife and children. More to the point as well I have to do this on my own for them.