This is obviously self centred brain dump day in the English speaking world, judging by some of the posts in reader I’ve just read, so I won’t break the trend and join in.
I just read one blog, where a young Canadian woman was bigging herself up by exclaiming that she wasn’t a narcissist just confident. Wow, she got that wrong on both counts, what she managed to do was come across as shallow, needy and arrogant. Her boyfriend is a gorgeous hunk, she’s got a fabulous figure and its only seven yes seven days and x number of hours until mummy and daddy give her a macbook pro.
Oh fuck off you stupid little child, I hope that my two daughters never behave like that. I would be mortified if they were that self centred that they confused confidence with arrogance. But then many people do, its pretty common.
Another blogger I follow, is having a challenging time regarding lying. From what I can gather she’s spun up a load of rather dubious porkie-pies and is now in the process of beating herself up over it.
I’ve been on the receiving end of someone who did just that to me, we’ve sort of recovered, we’ve sort of patched it up. Also, in the past I’ve done exactly the same. What I learnt from weaving a tissue of lies is that its unfair to hurt the other person or people that way.
The homily “truth hurts” is true, but when you set out to be honest, knowing that you will hurt someone, with what you are about to say or do. AND you prepare them for it, then is not as bad as lying, getting caught, and either retracting, dealing with it and getting past it, than spinning more lies in the vain hope that you will cover it up.
Frankly, I don’t understand why my wife lies to me so much, it’s idiotic. Sadly, she terrible at keeping the lie on track and invariably gets caught. Its not that couples shouldn’t lie to each other, its how you choose to do it.
Here’s a brutal example, I tell my wife daily that she is gorgeous, beautiful and sexy. Well, she no longer is, she has one breast and a big scar, due to mastectomy, she’s lost all her curves, her belly is flabby, and she looks ten years older than me.
So why do I persist in lying to her? She once upon a time was drop dead gorgeous, cancer and alcohol have taken their toll. First, why should I dent her fragile ego more? Second, it shows that I still desire her and (fingers crossed) it helps her to stop falling into a pit of misery.
I’m no saint in this, I have lost my temper with her because of lying and drinking and been brutal to her. I do have a concern that because of the way her psyche is wired that she could easily fall for the attentions of another man, (which has happened) because it would give her some external validation.
I often use the quote from Hamlet with myself,
to thine own self be true and surely as night follows day you can be false to no one
So, with lying ask yourself, what is it you want to achieve, by being honest about myself, it’s easier to be honest to others. What I want to achieve is an open, straight forward way to be together and being myself.