Well it’s now three days into quitting

And how do I feel. At this moment pretty meh about porn and masturbation. I’m full of codeine at the moment. I had root canal about six months ago and the filling fell out and the tooth split over the weekend, so I’m taking painkillers.

So right now I’m feeling very queezy and pretty tired from the nagging pain. So the thought of watching porn and knocking one out is not really high on my agenda.

It’s pretty odd porn addiction, there really isn’t much in the way of chemical dependency, other than the post cum endorphin rush (which to be fair is pretty mild and short lived – I think you could drive a car pretty soon after). Its mainly habit and distraction, an extended form of procrastination. It’s not like a heavy chemical dependency type of addiction.

Twelve years ago I was doing voluntary work for St. Mungo’s a charity that deals with rough sleepers, they have a unit over in Paddington, that deals with the heavily alcohol dependant tramps, they actually have to prescribe booze as they’re systems have become so chemically dependant.

One thing I have realised, going through stopping is that it is about managing inappropriate behavior. Perhaps what I’m realising is that “curing” addiction is more learning to be appropriate.

Take this morning for example, I was watching a young woman’s arse it leggings, I was enjoying the curve of her cheeks, could make out the little triangle of thong, and when she turned could see her mound. She had good legs and a flat midrift.

I started thinking, how I wanted to be in bed with my wife, feel her lovely tight pussy wrapped around my cock, kissing her, holding her and just releasing myself into her. But as she’s at work, on her period and well not here, my mind turned to porn. I went through my mental catalogue of what I like to watch and thought when I get home I’ll look for such-and-such and knock one out.

I stopped myself at that point and reminded myself of my commitment to quitting and said to myself, this is inappropriate, don’t do it. Well thanks to being knackered, I’m more able to put the breaks on. But if I wasn’t tired would I have the necessary self control. Probably not and I now suspect that this us a similar set of circumstances with my wife alcohol use. Is there significant inappropriate behavior that gives DW the green light for unmanaged drinking, guess so.

So its about self control, before I got married I was your classic sex addict. I cheated, lied, had multiple sex partners in a day, but what prompted me to stop. First, it was my attraction to my wife, second it was if I’ve asked her to marry me then I must be firm in that commitment and behave appropriately regarding the moral consensus of that commitment. As I said above, there is one small gap, which is looking at other women. I realise some consider it to be as bad, but no the actual physical and emotional damage of engaging in sexual congress with someone other than my wife is much worse.

It’s a complicated set of mental gymnastics, but given that prior to marrying DW my behaviours were off the scale and that I do enjoy the beauty of the female form. Actually I just realised that gender is immaterial as I do find transexuals sexy too, but I don’t find stereotypical diesel dykes sexy. So yeh! complicated mental gymnastics.

So what are the benefits of abstaining from porn addiction and wanking,  first better erections, so I’m better placed to enjoy satisfying my wife in bed. Two, bigger erections (my cock will be less tired and more testosterone and arousal) even though after ten years DW still finds the size it can get scary. Finally, more cum. DW finds the load emptied into her a yardstick of her ability to satisfy me.

So all in all there are benefits to this, I look forward to her period ending, my toothache going and a pleasant evening in bed.

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