Last night DW had a bit of a binge and ended up a real mess. Since I’ve known her she’s not a pleasant drinker. She seems to use alcohol as some kind of therapeutic drug, basically an excuse to let her demons out.
Somehow she doesn’t seem to have control over the cut off point between pleasantly relaxed and happy feeling that an occasional drink gives you, to the crying puddle of mess that too much alcohol causes.
I guess many years ago, there was that brief period where alcohol allowed her to loose her inhibitions and have a fun time. For me I’ve always found the intense conversations drunks try to have exceptionally boring. There is nothing worse that booze sodden in your face intensity.
When I used to go out and have a drink I turned into a lightweight bimbo, happy go lucky with out any interest in anything other than a laugh.
I don’t get it why DW needs to constantly exercise her demons when pissed up. Also I don’t think that there really is any therapeutic care or help that can get her over the childhood trauma of sexual abuse and uncaring parents who didn’t believe her, even though the perpetrator know to her parents was arrested and convicted of paedophilia ten year he’d abused her.
I know that this makes me sound uncaring as well, I try my best to support her, I try my best to help her, but I’m her husband not her therapist. I love having sex with my wife, she’s gorgeous, I love her body and I love the way we have sex together. Deepthroating plus alcohol triggers the worst in her, flashing her back to her childhood trauma. But I didn’t ask for it, she decided to do it of her own volition and then the evening descended into weirdnesss.
She wants to do things like that because she thinks it will make me happy, but its only a little bit of pleasure followed by a painful experience, that’s not happiness for both of us.
So I don’t know what to do. We have a very active sexlife, should I give up sex, so my wife doesn’t get triggered, then what happens to me? If I was a better man I would be able to do that, subsume my wants for her greater good and the greater good of the family.
Could she come to terms with the abuse and deal with it without alcohol, again I don’t have an answer to that. But as a 37 year old woman, working with two kids and a lump of a husband, something needs to change.