Failing to communicate over the simplest or smallest of things

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Tees pencil skirt @ joyous.

I saw the above skirt and I thought it would suit DW, she’d look good in a nice top and dark stockings.

I spotted it in a feed reader, so I shared the link with her via hangouts. We’re sitting in the same room, she’s about two and a bit metres from me.

I know she got the like, cos her phone went binqbonk for the notification, she picked her phone up and said…

Nothing.

Not a by your leave, fuck all, nada.

Why the fuck do I bother, she obviously doesn’t give a shit about communicating to me.

So I waited 5 minutes, she now watching some crap on youtube. So I loose the plot, I’m fucking pissed off by this, so I challenge.

Why haven’t you said anything?!?!?

Don’t see why I should.

Oh for fucks sake …

Does she think I’ve got nothing better to do? I could be looking at 20 something naked chicks, or Linux containers or network intrusion or current affairs relating to oil/energy futures.

No I spotted a skirt she’d look good in, over the next few years she has a choice, up her game as far as her career is concerned, or coast and descend.

Thing is she’s late 30’s, things haven’t been good for her of late, loosing a breast, fucks any woman’s self image. How can you get round that, up your game and take pride in your looks.

All I’ve ever done is try to support her, I can empathise about her crashed self image, and what I try to do is to show her ways she can improve her self image.

Frankly, I get to see her naked, I have no illusions as to what her self image is, she can avoid a mirror.
But, irrespective she is orders of magnitude more gorgeous to my eyes, than any blond blue eyed Caucasian porn dolly. As they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

So when I reach out and go “you’d look good in this” being ignored is like a slap in the face, even if it was a negative,  “meh! don’t like it” its better than a void.

At times I’m convinced she wants to push me into the arms of another, or to wash my hands of this and find someone who I don’t have to put in as much effort and is a little more appreciative. Well actually I don’t want that, pulling, hooking up, dating is a piece of piss now-a-days.

But I don’t want to, I made a commitment to this person ten years ago. For all of the screwing around I did before her, I packed that person up and for better or worse, I will support her.

I’m no angel, I’m very shouty, blunt and in your face. But I do care, I care about her alot, I’ve fucked up things in my own right.

But the bottom line is this, reactive responsive communication is a two way thing.

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Heterosexual anal sex, the reality of what women enjoy

This is based solely on my own personal sample population, taken over 30+ years. I’m not going to relate the actual size of the population rather the breakdowns percentage sizes.

less than 1% have gained real physical pleasure from penetrative anal sex, less than 0.5% from anilingus.

Less than 30% have tolerated anal sex, that is being able to do it with little or no discomfort, less than 10% have tolerated anilingus.

Approximately 20% have experienced it once and have found it to be very unpleasant and do not wish to try it again either with myself or with a former partner. Of this group 0% have expressed an interest in trying anilingus.

The final category are those who will not entertain anal sex under any circumstance.

Of the very few women I have been with who have actively found anal to be pleasurable only two were completely inexperienced, I have to admit it was an enormous thrill to hear one say “that’s nice, I’m enjoying it” the other was said “this is the first time I’ve done it, it’s surprisingly pleasant” . I guess its just down to personal anatomy.

I personally feel quite disappointed in myself, that the majority of women have only really tolerated anal sex as part of the smorgasboard of sex, but then its to be expected I guess. In the pursuit of sexual pleasure, the anus may have a large amount of nerve endings but they are not wired the same way as the clitoris, the labia or nipples.

In some respects I feel very sorry for the current generations entering their sexual maturity. Pornography gives unrealistic expectations, a real internal orgasm for a woman looks and sounds nothing like the acted examples in pornography. The same applies to anal sex actresses receive more cash for taking it up the arse, fair enough. But the freebie porn online gives unrealistic expectations to young men and women.

Bottom line, if your not sure you like it don’t do it and don’t let yourself be pressured into it. But having said that, I wish DW would let me take the time to relax and lube her to show her how to enjoy it and to ditch her issues over anilingus too, I don’t have any and I’ll be the one with his tongue in her arsehole.

Sl#t and r#pe nation, the people who say these things should be arrested for hate speak

Frankly, I’m becoming more and more disgusted by some of the trends in current society. The (im)moral majority tendency to use hate speak regarding their perceptions of someone behaviour is dreadful.

Perhaps, it’s because they think they have a right of “free speech” they can abuse that right. Referring to a young woman as a sl#t because of some perception they have is down-right criminal. Here in the UK we have laws pertaining to slander and defamation, in order to call a young woman or a girl a sl#t you have to have tangible, supported evidence that that is true, not your asinine perception based on envy and jealousy. It has to be able to stand the test of law.

Along with that we now have this barbaric r#pe culture growing in schools and universities. I could understand it just in underdeveloped, undereducated peasant cultures such as India, where misogyny, corruption and patriarchy are common place. But here in the West, what the hell is going on? We are at the zenith of education, we stand on  should of all that was learnt before us, but now we are sinking into a sexual barbarism that is shameful.

We’ve criminalised hate speak against people of different ethnicities, and of different religions. In the same breath we will criticise them heavily for treating the women in their communities like third class citizens and for their attitudes to people of other religions, yet it’s ok for us to do that. Oh My what hypocrisy.

I enjoy pornography, yet I’m under no illusion that these people are doing it mostly for economic reason (if they haven’t been trafficked), like the girl who was outed from Duke University. So what it was her choice, no one else’s. But it wasn’t her choice to be treated the was is is. For the people who chose to criticize her, in whose interest was it? The fact that she broke no laws of the nation in exercising her economic right to receive payment for the activity she under took is neither here nor there.

It galls me that this is the way things are going, can’t we have a nice happy society, where people have the freedom to go about their lives without the shallow bestial people tut-tut-tutting, without religious misinterpretation getting in the way.

Terminology and word confusion

I’ve noticed that there are lots of WordPress posts in sex and its related tags eg BDSM and Relationships for example where I think certain words are used very incorrectly. At either end of the spectrum, from ordinary regular relationships to the more contentious end of the spectrum, words of abuse and hate, such as sl#t, wh#re, dirty are considered by the ill-educated to be part and parcel of normal speak.

This use of language says more about the speaker and their attitude than it does about a consensual relationship. Someone one explained to me that even in BDSM relationships trust and respect play a large part in the dynamic.

If someone accepts that certain words will be used in certain circumstances, then so be it. But what gets me are the people who think that because they use abusive terminology makes them dominant and controlling. No it makes you look like a common shallow idiot and a bully not a BDSM sir or master.

The prejudice of the niqab goes both ways

I’m sitting in the dentist’s at the moment and my part of the east end is turning into sharia land.

Two bints (please use the classical Arabic, not anglicised slang) walk in, one scarfie (please use the Turkish concept) one niqab. The receptionist is northern Russian, nice girl, big hips, excellent English.

The Islamo-girls start wittering in pashto, maybe from the North-Western territories, but not Afganhi. The one in the niqab, says some shit about the Russian girl, the scarfie one is talking to the Russian girl about registering her. The niqab one is really dissing the Russian girl and won’t agree to using this dentists.

FFS, it pisses me off,we bend over backwards because we think that it’s unfair for them to be scarfie or niqab, we support the human right for being here. Yet the bring their arrogant self-centred peasant like behaviour here. If you don’t like it, the fact that we are multicultural and welcoming, take your shit back to where you come from. You’d expect me and my family to observe your cultural shit in Islamabad or Karachi, so respect London culture in London.

Well it’s now three days into quitting

And how do I feel. At this moment pretty meh about porn and masturbation. I’m full of codeine at the moment. I had root canal about six months ago and the filling fell out and the tooth split over the weekend, so I’m taking painkillers.

So right now I’m feeling very queezy and pretty tired from the nagging pain. So the thought of watching porn and knocking one out is not really high on my agenda.

It’s pretty odd porn addiction, there really isn’t much in the way of chemical dependency, other than the post cum endorphin rush (which to be fair is pretty mild and short lived – I think you could drive a car pretty soon after). Its mainly habit and distraction, an extended form of procrastination. It’s not like a heavy chemical dependency type of addiction.

Twelve years ago I was doing voluntary work for St. Mungo’s a charity that deals with rough sleepers, they have a unit over in Paddington, that deals with the heavily alcohol dependant tramps, they actually have to prescribe booze as they’re systems have become so chemically dependant.

One thing I have realised, going through stopping is that it is about managing inappropriate behavior. Perhaps what I’m realising is that “curing” addiction is more learning to be appropriate.

Take this morning for example, I was watching a young woman’s arse it leggings, I was enjoying the curve of her cheeks, could make out the little triangle of thong, and when she turned could see her mound. She had good legs and a flat midrift.

I started thinking, how I wanted to be in bed with my wife, feel her lovely tight pussy wrapped around my cock, kissing her, holding her and just releasing myself into her. But as she’s at work, on her period and well not here, my mind turned to porn. I went through my mental catalogue of what I like to watch and thought when I get home I’ll look for such-and-such and knock one out.

I stopped myself at that point and reminded myself of my commitment to quitting and said to myself, this is inappropriate, don’t do it. Well thanks to being knackered, I’m more able to put the breaks on. But if I wasn’t tired would I have the necessary self control. Probably not and I now suspect that this us a similar set of circumstances with my wife alcohol use. Is there significant inappropriate behavior that gives DW the green light for unmanaged drinking, guess so.

So its about self control, before I got married I was your classic sex addict. I cheated, lied, had multiple sex partners in a day, but what prompted me to stop. First, it was my attraction to my wife, second it was if I’ve asked her to marry me then I must be firm in that commitment and behave appropriately regarding the moral consensus of that commitment. As I said above, there is one small gap, which is looking at other women. I realise some consider it to be as bad, but no the actual physical and emotional damage of engaging in sexual congress with someone other than my wife is much worse.

It’s a complicated set of mental gymnastics, but given that prior to marrying DW my behaviours were off the scale and that I do enjoy the beauty of the female form. Actually I just realised that gender is immaterial as I do find transexuals sexy too, but I don’t find stereotypical diesel dykes sexy. So yeh! complicated mental gymnastics.

So what are the benefits of abstaining from porn addiction and wanking,  first better erections, so I’m better placed to enjoy satisfying my wife in bed. Two, bigger erections (my cock will be less tired and more testosterone and arousal) even though after ten years DW still finds the size it can get scary. Finally, more cum. DW finds the load emptied into her a yardstick of her ability to satisfy me.

So all in all there are benefits to this, I look forward to her period ending, my toothache going and a pleasant evening in bed.