I was having a think about boundaries yesterday and why we must have them. I got into a very brief conversation online with a 16 year old girl. I’d made a comment about one of her posts, because it was well thought out and reflected thoughts I had had about certain shops and the image they present to tweens and teen.
She replied back with a question which I duly answered, and then another question. It was harmless, but dig a little deeper, it can become dangerous. I drew a line and stopped at that point. My reason for it was that I’m 48, she’s 16, I could be her grandfathers age. Also, I would not want my daughters engaged in online chats with someone 32 years their senior.
I used to know a BBC presenter who doesn’t understand age boundaries, in hindsight I wish I had gone to the police when I actively associating with him. I had my suspicions that he was indulging in underage sex and when he overtly spoke about it, is when I should have acted, but I didn’t. If the girls he spoke about came forward, I would happily be a witness for the prosecution. It’s a rock and a hard place, I go to the police now, I could be digging up old hurts for the girls (who are now grown up). It’s difficult.
Another aspect of boundaries is that my wife drinks, I think that the improper behaviour and inappropriate use of alcohol is a boundary that is being transgressed too often. She makes lots of excuses or can’t explain her behaviour and this is the worst one keeps it bottled up. She’ll tell me things that she says sorry inside her head, but it won’t come out. I see no acts of atonement, for the fuck ups she causes through drinking and all I ever here is I’m getting better. No, no your not. That’s a fantasy you’ve created for yourself to absolve yourself of your poor behaviour and the boundary transgression.