Love is blind. The apocryphal information regarding marital breakdown during breast cancer. A husband perspective

My study group is two, one husband and one wife who is a breast cancer survivor. I’ve found one study here, which shows that in Quebec, there is little evidence to suggest that breast cancer in a major contributing factor to marital breakdown. I did read the paper quickly, so I may have misinterpreted salient point.

The paper shows that if there is significant marital problems prior or at time of diagnosis then breast cancer is a minor consideration in subsequent marital breakdown.

Thing is mass media dumbs down information and statistics, and it makes for a better story that breast cancer contributes to marital breakdown. Perhaps the positive stories don’t make as popular a meme as negative ones.

The real issue is how breast cancer affects a woman’s view of herself, the amputation, the physical scars, the physical discomfort, the prosthesis all serve to remind DW every second that she’s undergone and survived breast cancer. Then there are the psychological affects. The above have destroyed her vision of herself.

I suppose that this shows that love is blind, I love DW even though she’s suffered these changes, her body may have changed, but for me I still see a beautify, sexy woman (guess that makes it worse). I see though the scars, I’ve come to love the scars because they are part and parcel of her.

I will conceded that at times its been tough, her personal vision conflicts with mine, my view only serves as a reminder. And popular culture doesn’t help, especially as there seems to be a growth in celebrity preventative mastectomy and reconstruction. That to me seems a little dumb, I don’t have breast cancer, but I’m going to have the tissue removed and silicon/saline inserted at the same time. It’s a bit like me deciding to have my arm amputated because I stand to get  arthritis, or getting my daughter sterilised because I carry the Tay-Sachs gene. Simplistic I know but that’s my personal opinion.

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