Well, today is family seder, we had a rough start to the week. I thought DW was sneaky drinking again and I caused a couple of arguments. This is one of the main problems when a family member has a drink problem, it affects everyone in the family. But then it’s the same if some one has anger issues (me), it affects every one.
After the big ruckus, I called a couple of help lines, they gave me some sage advice. The thing is with a problem like alcohol abuse and the whole family effect, some one has to stop. I’m going to make endeavours to stop being angry, the reason being, the issues become circular. I upset DW because I’m angry about her drinking, she drinks because I’ve been angry, I get angry, ad-infinitum.
I realise now that I’m powerless to affect the cause of her drinking, I don’t think now (after chatting with the helpline) that we me and the DDs’ will be the enabler that will make her stop.
I will concede that she has cut down dramatically, but it’s not as though she goes for days or weeks without having a drink (OK it’s only 2.2% larger not spirits anymore). It’s just a bit difficult, the drinking help cause the year of hell and I have noticed a pattern, so all I can do is prepare for the next one and make sure we don’t end up again with another year from hell.
As I get older I’m less and less enthusiastic about alcohol and how its portrayed in the media. We tend to watch a lot of US TV and every show, it shows someone having spirits (I’m not going to bother with the anger and violence in US TV) in one guise or another.
Hard day at work, have a drink, case solved have a drink, monsters, vampires, demons killed have a drink. Good date bad date have a drink. Canadian TV on the other hand doesn’t tend to show that. I can’t comment about British TV as it’s shit and only late arrivals and idiots watch Dr. Who or Downton Abbey.
I do think its wrong that people associate alcohol usage with certain behaviours, DW can only come out of her shell (sexually or emotionally) after having drinks, we’ve rarely had sex with her being totally sober, or had a decent conversation about who and what we are. Admittedly, I’ve used the drunkenness with sex to encourage DW into sex acts she’s not overly familiar or keen on. Now that does sadden me, that our sexual tastes aren’t in sync, but I guess I need to learn to live with that.