In software development we have this thing called Design Patterns, they’re re-usable chunks of information that describe common programming situations. For example, the Memento Pattern, it’s often used for creating, undo, re-do behaviours in applications. Next time you use your favourite desktop application and you select the undo, that’s more than likely to be the Memento Design Pattern.
During my post “year of hell” analysis, I started to see patterns of behaviour in myself and DW. Further analysis started to show where the trigger events were. Now, what is the point of all this.
Well it’s served to prevent further occurrences happening, by knowing what the precursors to an event are we can modify and alter behaviour. In effect take a different path. It’s hard work, because our natural reaction is to behave according to ingrained habits. By understanding ourselves, we can better understand the environment that surround us, we can better understand each other and make things better for ourselves.
Last night for example DW was starting to get irked by the DDs’ not wanting to sleep. Well, you can’t make someone sleep (unless you use seriously dubious methods). So at that juncture we had two main choices one put up with it and face the following morning aggravation. Or two, have the aggravation there and then (with the possibility anyway of morning aggravation). I chose the former, DW was ratty because she’s an only child passive aggressive control freak, she needs to adopt a more manana (if we were Latino), inchallah (if we were muslim), or as we’re Liberal Jewish with a very big L, b’ezrat Hashem, with a shrug of the shoulders and let it flow.
I’ve come to the conclusion that all I can really do is to offer guidance and “wisdom” to the children (and DW), its nigh on impossible to force them to do something against their wills. Trying to bend them to my will is pointless too all it will serve to do is to make every one unhappy. But the key thing is, is that when they are behaving like brats (DW are you listening too), is to make them understand why it upsets me.
That’s the one thing they need to learn, to be good at life. I don’t know if it is quite empathy, more of a respect for the way others can feel.